Title: Cannibals
Author: tafkar
Summary: Trying to keep busy when trapped on an alien planet, Jack annoys the heck out of Daniel. What else is new?
Category: Humor
Spoilers: Nope.
Rating: G
Archiving: Always welcome; just let me know you have done so.
Notes: Written as part of the first lines challenge for Nos.



At three a.m. he can’t take it anymore.

"Jedi?" he says loudly into the darkness.

"Hnnnh...wha?" says the archaeologist next to him, jerking alert from a deep sleep.

"I can't believe Jedi was your favorite," Jack says, feeling his balled-up jacket under his cheek as he turns his head to look at Daniel.

Daniel groans and rolls over, pressing his face against Sam's shoulder and pulling his own jacket over his head. "Make him stop, Sam."

"Even Teal'c thinks it's lame," Jack says.

"Indeed," Teal'c's voice echoes from the corner of their cell, where he sits attempting kel'no'reem. "The use of a second Death Star was derivative at best, although a number of the action sequences were quite entertaining."

"Oh, come on," Sam says, sounding a little muzzy. "The Ewoks were adorable."

Daniel mumbles something Jack can't hear, between the sound-absorbing quality of Sam's shoulder and the balled-up jacket Daniel still holds over one ear. "What was that, o tasteless one?"

"The Ewoks were cannibals!" Daniel says, sitting up suddenly and throwing his jacket at Jack. "When Luke, Han, and Chewbacca are taken prisoner by the Ewoks, you can see a skinned Ewok being roasted on a spit over a fire in the background. The Ewoks are the perfect example of a race that is underestimated and assumed to be ethical merely because they're cute, when all evidence shown suggests they engage in tribal warfare and devour their enemies."

"Cannibals? Daniel, they're like little teddy bears!" Carter says, aghast.

"Daniel Jackson, I believe you may be right." Teal'c sounds surprised. "I will view that film with a new perspective."

"Yeah, if the Pygmies of Planet Propaganda ever let us out. I think Daniel was making a little reference to our situation here."

"I said there was something fishy. You thought they were cute," Daniel scowls, flopping back onto the floor.

There's a moment of silence in the cell. Just when Daniel thinks he might get some sleep, Jack says, "So, if this is Jedi, do I get to be Han?"

"I am not Princess Leia!" Sam says, seeing immediately where this is going.

"You know, Teal'c, you'd make a great Lando."

Daniel swears he can hear Teal'c's eyebrow raise. He lets out a little sob, rolls onto his side, and prays for unconsciousness.

We live for feedback.